Thursday, December 17, 2015

Lawak Malam Jumaat

  1. Password
    A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
  2. Christmas tree & onion
    A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
  3. Wow!
    I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
  4. Tree
    Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
  5. The Truth
    At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

    Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

    Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"
  6. Gelas
    Seorang suami menyesal setelah mencerai istrinya
    lalu menelefon isterinya.. 
    "Sayang, maafkan aku. Aku mahu rujuk padamu."😔
    Istrinya menjawab, "Di tanganmu ada gelas?" 😒
    Suami: "Hah, gelas? Tidak ada. Kenapa?"
    Isteri :"Kalau begitu,  pergilah ambil di dapur."😒
    Suami: "ok sayang, gelas sudah ditangan abng ni"😥😰
    Isteri : "sekarang cuba kamu lemparkan gelas itu kelantai"😏
    Suami: "abng sudah melemparkanya"😐
    Isteri :"Sekarang kembalikan gelas itu seperti semula, tidak mungkin kan? Begitu juga hatiku."💁
    Suami:" Sebenarnya gelas ini tak pecah sebab gelas plastik." 😝
    Isteri :"😂 hihihi Ye lah..  Nanti lepas magrib cepatlah ambik sayang"
    #⚡💥✨malam jumaat beb 💥✨🌟🌟⚡

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